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Because of the Fall of Man, human beings are endarkened. They are confused about the most basic things – that there is a God; that He is a person with mind, emotion and will; that He is Three And Yet One – Father, Son and Spirit; that He created us in His image; that we joined the rebellion of the fallen angels; that human beings are alienated from the Creator; that we are fallen creatures and have a fallen nature, a sin nature; that the Jewish people are the Chosen People; that the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, is the divinely inspired and inerrant Word of God; that angels are real; that demons are real; that salvation from the real and deadly forces of Satan and the demons, sin, the sin nature, death, the Second Death and Hell is possible; that Yeshua is the Messiah and Son of God and only Savior of mankind; that He came into the world, lived a perfect life, did an atoning death, rose from the dead and ascended to Heaven; that God will destroy this entire flawed universe and make a new and perfect universe – a new heavens, a new Earth and a New Jerusalem; that Heaven is a real place that can be gained; that Hell is a real place that can be avoided.

Humanity doesn’t understand God, doesn’t understand human nature or the way of redemption. In fact, people often don’t understand the right way to relate to others.

But, the born-again, new-natured sons and daughters of God are different! We are not endarkened. We’ve been enlightened! We know God! We know the truth! We treasure the Word of God! The Spirit of God lives in us, connecting us to the Father and the Son and to one another. We are members of an amazing community of human beings called out of a dying world; an eternal fellowship of shared values based on the truth. The Spirit of God empowers us to do what is right. We know the truth and we have the power to live out the truth – including the way we are to relate to others.

In the first part of this letter, Rabbi Paul has been dealing with theological and spiritual issues. In this part of Paul’s letter to Messiah’s Community at Ephesus, the Lord’s divinely inspired representative teaches us about some practical issues, specifically, how to deal with our most important relationships.

First is our relationship to those in the Community of Salvation. It’s to be characterized by an attitude of submission. Fallen human beings don’t like to submit to others. Because of our fallen nature, we are self-centered and proud. We want to be like God. We want to dominate others. The sons and daughters of God are to cultivate an attitude of not seeking to control but to submit. Submit to one another out of reverence for Messiah.

Submit means yield to the control of another. It’s the attitude that says: “You want to be in control? Great! You take charge and I’ll be your assistant. I’ll pitch in and help.” That is such a different attitude than most people have.

Even those whom God has put in positions of authority, like the leaders of the community, are not to be control-freaks, but rather to have the attitude of servants – that their responsibility is to serve, not be served. They are to be like Messiah – humble servant-leaders. Because we respect Messiah so highly, we follow His example and we submit to one another – out of reverence for Messiah.

Next is the relationship between husbands and wives. With so many people living together without being married, and with 40% of children born outside of marriage, and with the divorce rate at approximately 40 to 50%, and with confusion about what marriage is, with so-called “homosexual marriages” being increasingly recognized, we need to embrace God’s principles for marriage more than ever.

The sons and daughters of God share a tremendous unity. All of us – Jewish people and people from the nations, rich and poor, and men and women are members of one body, one great and eternal community; one Spirit lives in us all; we are called to one hope – invited to live forever in the New Jerusalem as the honorable and eternal children of God; we have one Lord who leads us; one faith, one core set of beliefs we share; one baptism, one initiation rite we all experience; we have one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all, and the supremely authoritative and beneficial fatherhood of God unites us.

Even though the sons and daughters of God have a tremendous, multi-faceted unity, that doesn’t mean that we are all equals, with equal authority, or that God’s design for male leadership in the family is done away with. It’s not. Wives are to yield to the God-ordained control of their husbands. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Messiah is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church, the community of those call out of the world submits to Messiah, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Some observations: The marriage relationship is a relationship between a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman.

The relationship between husband and wife is to be a married and fully-committed-for-life, faithful relationship; not an uncommitted, no covenant relationship, divorce-when-things-get-difficult kind of relationship.

The relationship between husband and wife is not a relationship in which they have equal authority. It is a relationship in which the woman is submitted to the man – not the man to the woman.

It is a relationship in which the wife is submitted to her husband in the same way that she is submitted to the Lord. Her relationship to the Lord is one of subject and ruler. He makes the rules. She obeys His decisions. She doesn’t tell the Lord what to do. He tells her what to do.

Why should a wife obey her husband in the same way that she obeys the Lord? Because God has designed the authority structure within the family with the same kind of authority structure that exists between Messiah and His followers.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Messiah is the head of the Community. Messiah is in control of us. He leads. He directs. His leadership is not shared with us as equals. He may give some authority to some of us over limited areas of responsibility, but that is His decision – not ours. We don’t equally share His authority.

In the same way that we relate to the Messiah as our living Lord, the wife is to relate to her husband as her leader. He is in charge. He is in control. He leads, He guides, He directs. He assigns the various areas of responsibility to him and his wife.

It’s not easy to submit to a leader who is selfish, difficult, mean or inconsiderate. That is not the kind of leader that Messiah is. He is the opposite. He is the Savior of His body. He is the kind of leader who is the Savior of His Community. He is a good and kind and merciful and wise and courageous and selfless leader. He is the kind of leader who understood our greatest needs and at great cost to Himself, entered into a deadly battle to rescue us from Satan and the demons, sin and the sin nature, death and Hell. He has our best interests in His mind, and is willing to act on those interests. That’s the kind of leader who is a pleasure to submit to, to yield control to. And, that is the kind of leader that husbands should be to their wives.

In what areas should the wife yield control to her husband? Only those areas that she agrees with him? As the community of those call out of the world submits to Messiah, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

In everything – in spite of what our culture says.

In everything – which includes decisions where they are to live.

In everything – which includes the responsibilities around the home.

In everything – which includes dealing with the children.

Even if the wife is more talented or smarter than her husband, he is still the God-ordained leader of that family and it is her duty to submit to his leadership.

A wife is to submit to her husband in everything, but not if the husband demands that she do something illegal or immoral. If he does, her duty is to refuse. He is using his leadership to oppose the laws of God, and the wife is obligated to serve God before her husband.

What if it is a case of bad judgment? What if he is about to do something that she thinks is a mistake that will harm them? She talks to him. She reasons with him. If he still insists, she should yield to him – unless it is so seriously bad that she or the children will be put in obvious danger.

Sarah called Abraham lord and obeyed him even when he used bad judgment on several occasions. Today’s women are to be no different.

What is the husband is physically abusive? She should separate from him until he can control himself. What if he is emotionally abusive? If it gets bad enough, separation may be necessary – with the goal of him learning to relate properly to her and them being reunited. What if he is ruining their finances by not working, or gambling, or drinking, or doing drugs? Separation with the goal of being reunited after he reforms.

God has designed men so that they want to be respected. Even if they aren’t respected outside the home, they are to be given respect within the home. Yielding to the God-ordained authority of the husband and giving him respect is to characterize the woman’s relationship to the husband.

And God has designed women so that they want to be loved by their husbands. Love is to characterize the husband’s relationship to his wife. Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah loved the church, the called-out community, and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant called-out community, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Messiah does the called-out community – for we are members of His body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Messiah and the Community of those called out of the world. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands, love your wives. Many people don’t know what love is. Love is not sex. Love is not the same as romantic feelings. Love is the desire to help or do something good for the one you love; to help the one who is loved reach his maximum potential. Husbands are to love their wives with a love that nurtures and improves, helping her be her best, just like Messiah did for us: Messiah loved the called-out community, and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant called-out community, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Husbands are to care for those amazing and mysterious and beautiful creatures that the Lord has entrusted to their care. To accomplish that, men are to know what is good for their wives. And they need to study their wives, and understand what their need are, and then meet those needs.

If you genuinely love someone, you are willing to give up your time and your desires so that the one you loved is taken care of. True love is sacrificial. Husbands, love your wives, just as Messiah loved the community and gave Himself up for her. Messiah is the example we look to regarding sacrificial love. Messiah loved us and became our Savior at great cost to Himself. He gave Himself up for us. He gave up the honors of Heaven, and became a human being, and endured the difficulties of being a human being. He endured rejection by the majority of the leaders of the Chosen People. He experienced injustice, torture and a horribly cruel death. That is how He became the Savior of the body. That is how He loved us. And that is how we are to love our wives – with the same kind of a “gave Himself up for her” kind of love.

This same kind of sacrificial love that educates and elevates and helps her reach her potential, and be as beautiful and holy as she can be, is to characterize the way a man loves his wife.

Husbands are motivated to love their wives as they look to the Messiah, and love their wives the way He loves us. But, there is another motivation to love our wives, and that is self-interest. The more we love our wives the more we benefit ourselves! Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body. Normal people take care of their bodies. They feed themselves, wash themselves, clothe themselves. If they are sick, they go to a doctor to get treatment.

When a man makes that commitment and marries that woman, she becomes part of him. The two become one. They become besar echad – one flesh. They are no longer two separate individuals, but two individuals who merge into a one-flesh unit. They unite physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially. If she suffers, her husband suffers. If she is unhappy, believe me, he will be unhappy! But if she is happy, she will make her husband happy. If she is spiritually and emotionally weak, she will drag her husband down. But if she is spiritually and emotionally strong, she will encourage him and strengthen him and be his greatest asset. So, out of self-interest, if man wants his life to be better, he should love his wife! Care for her. Provide for her. Protect her. Meet her needs. Nurture her. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Do some of the things that she likes to do.

Messiah treats those of us who are part of His Community of Salvation in that same loving, beneficial way. Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Messiah does the called-out community – for we are members of His body. Because of the activity of the Three-In-One God, and because we have transferred our loyalties to the Father, Son and Spirit, we have been joined to Messiah. We are part of Him. We belong to Him and He belongs to us. He is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh. Therefore He lovingly nourishes and cherishes and takes care of us. Husbands, love your wives in the same way.

The Lord’s divinely inspired representative then quotes from the Torah about marriage, but his purpose is to teach us something tremendous about Messiah’s relationship with us: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. In marriage, a man and a woman become one flesh, a very close and intimate unite – but Paul has something greater in mind. This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Messiah and the called-out community.

Instead of being far from God, alienated from the Source of Life, in rebellion against the High King of Heaven, Messianic Jews and the redeemed remnant of the nations have the closest kind of relationship with Messiah – like the intimate relationship between a husband and wife. Messiah and us form a community in which life and love and intimacy and friendship are shared! We need to understand this amazing and precious relationship, and value it and nurture it so that it’s always warm and close. And, that’s what Shema is dedicated to do.

Paul concludes his teaching on the husband-wife relationship with these words: Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Again, men want to be respected. Women want to be loved. You want a great marriage? Husband, love your wife as you love yourself. Wife, respect your husband and yield to his authority.

Do this, and you will have a successful marriage, a marriage that will form the foundation for raising children, a marriage that will be a blessing to everyone whose life you touch, a marriage that will shine like a light in the darkness of confused relationships in our society.