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Human beings are in the most desperate need of forgiveness. Why? At the beginning of our history, Adam and Eve were tested. The Lord warned them not to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and if they did, “moht tamoot – dying you will die.” They would most surely, most certainly die. Of course, Adam and Eve sinned. They ate the forbidden fruit. Sadly, all their descendants followed their example. All have sinned. Sin is a terrible thing with terrible consequences. One of those consequences is alienation from God. Sin alienates us from our holy and righteous Creator, who will not tolerate sin in His presence. Another consequence: sin results in death – death in this world followed by judgment, condemnation and the second death in Gehenna, Hell, the Lake of Fire.

Sin is one of our greatest problems, if not our greatest problem, and the forgiveness of our sins is one of our greatest needs, if not our greatest need. If, before we leave this world, we do nothing about our sin problem – if, before we leave this world, God does not forgive our sins – we will die in our sins. We will end our life in a state of alienation from God, and we will die, not live. We will go to Hell, not Heaven. We don’t want to die in our sins. The Good News? With God, there is forgiveness. Psalm 130: If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness. More good news: Forgiveness is part of God’s nature. Nehemiah 9: He is Elohay S’lee-chot – a God of Forgiveness. Forgiveness is part of who God is. That means He is ready and willing to forgive. More good news: God forgives not a few kinds of sins, but all kinds of sins. Exodus 34: He forgives iniquity, transgression and sin – sin in all its horrible and ruinous variations. More good news: God is able to forgive, not just a few of our sins, but all of our sins, each and every one of them: 1 John 1: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Know that just as there are not many ways to God, there are not many ways to have our sins forgiven. There is only one way. Now that Messiah Yeshua has arrived, faith in Him is the one and only way to have our sins forgiven. Messiah told a group of Jewish leaders, men who went to the temple and offered God-ordained sacrifices, that since His arrival, unless they believed that He is who He claimed to be – the Messiah, the Son of God, and mankind’s one and only Savior – they would die in their sins. John 8: If you do not believe that I am he, you will indeed die in your sins. At His last meal, which was a Passover seder, giving new meaning to the wine, Yeshua said to His followers: This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins (Matthew 26). Forgiveness of sins only comes through Yeshua and His atoning blood. After they were arrested, the apostles appeared before the Sanhedrin, Israel’s ruling council, and said to them: God exalted Yeshua to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might bring Israel to repentance and forgive their sins (Acts 5). It is God’s plan for the Chosen People and for the nations to forgive their sins – but only if they have faith in Prince Yeshua, the Savior who is seated at God’s right hand. Peter declared the same truth to the Roman centurion Cornelius and his friends and relatives. Peter said: Everyone who believes in him (the Lord Yeshua) receives forgiveness of sins through his name (Acts 10). Forgiveness can only be received because of who Yeshua is and what He has done. Forgiveness can only be received by placing one’s faith in Yeshua. Rabbi Paul taught the same truth to the Ephesians: In him (united to Messiah) we have the forgiveness of sins. And the opposite is true: apart from Him there is no forgiveness of sins. So, to have our sins forgiven, which is one of our greatest needs, if not our greatest need, we need to believe in Yeshua. We need to have faith in Him. We need to become loyal to Him. When we do that, God forgives our sins and we are reconciled to God and will live forever with the Father and the Son.

However, after we receive that forgiveness of our sins, we may sin again. If that happens, we are to ask our Father in Heaven to forgive us our sins – as Yeshua taught us to pray: Forgive us our sins – and then the Messiah added this condition – as we also have forgiven those who have sinned against us. Yeshua went on to emphasize that God’s willingness to forgive us depends on our willingness to forgive those who have sinned against us. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. It’s easy to ask for forgiveness for ourselves. It’s not as easy to forgive those who have sinned against us. But, forgive we must – if we are to be forgiven.

And we must be generous with our forgiveness – like God is with us, as the following teaching from Matthew 18 illustrates: Peter came to Yeshua and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Forgive someone once? I think I can do that. But if he sins against me a second time after I have forgiven him? And then he sins against me again? And again? There’s got to be a limit to my forgiveness. Seven sounds about right. But Messiah made it clear there is no limit when it comes to forgiveness. Yeshua answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” The number seven represents completion. Seventy-seven is the fullness of completion. No limit. Then Yeshua told a parable to reinforce God’s demand that we be very generous with forgiving. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven (the way God operates) is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. That’s a lot of gold. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. The master forgave a lot of debt, more than the man could ever repay. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. That’s a significant amount, but much, much less than the ten thousand bags of gold he had been forgiven. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.” But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Wow. That’s strong. That’s conditional forgiveness. That’s scary. The point of Messiah’s parable: Each one of us has sinned a lot against God. Our many sins are like a debt worth ten thousand bags of gold – a vast amount that we could never pay. Yet, God was willing to forgive our many sins. When someone sins against us, it will never add up to the amount of our sins against God. If God forgives us a lot, He demands that we forgive others the lesser amount they have sinned against us. He wants us to be very forgiving – like He is.

Now, one common misunderstanding that the Lord’s people have about forgiveness is that if we forgive someone who has sinned against us, the relationship must go back to what it was before. When we forgive someone who has hurt us or someone we care about, the relationship may go back to what it was before, but it may never be the same. In most situations, if someone sins against us and then apologizes and asks for forgiveness, and we forgive him, things can go back to the way they were – especially if, along with his apology, he makes restitution. He tries to undo the damage he caused, and he restores what he can. There have been many times when I haven’t spoken to Martha the way I should. I haven’t spoken to her with the respect she deserves. I’ve had to go to Martha many times and ask for forgiveness. And Martha, godly woman that she is, has forgiven me – repeatedly. And things have gone back to the way they were before. However, and this is important for us to understand, there are some situations where things can’t go back to the way they were before, even when the person admits he did something wrong, asks for forgiveness and makes restitution. Even though we forgive him, the relationship may never be the same.

Here are some examples: A man who is Sunday school teacher molested students under his care. His sin was discovered. He apologized to the church. The church forgave him. He was sent to prison and served his time there and paid his debt to society. He was released. Should he be allowed to be a Sunday school teacher again where children are involved? The answer is no. Does that mean the church is unforgiving? No.

Another example: You are a Christian woman in a relationship with a Christian man, and he does something offensive that reveals he’s not who you thought he was. He asks for forgiveness, and you forgive him, but now you understand he’s more immature or more mentally or emotionally unstable than you realized. You no longer want the same kind of relationship with him that you had before. Are you being unforgiving? No. Not at all.

Another example: You have a relative who’s a Messianic Jew, and she’s emotionally needy. She calls you all the time, demanding your time and attention. You have other responsibilities and tell her you can only talk a couple times a week and talk for 10 minutes each time, but she doesn’t respect your boundaries. She continues calling you every day. You tell her what she’s doing is wrong, and she apologizes, and you forgive her – but then she does it again. You forgive her, but now you set up additional boundaries to protect yourself. You tell her she can’t call you for a week, and if she respects your new boundaries, you will reassess things. If you do that, are you being unforgiving?

Another example: A Christian woman is married to a Christian man and discovers he has been unfaithful to her. He begs for forgiveness and promises he’ll never do it again. She forgives him, and then finds out a couple of months later he’s had another affair. Again, he begs for forgiveness, and she forgives him; but trust has been broken. She no longer believes she can ever trust him and decides to divorce him. He says to her: “Baby, you can’t do that. You’re a Christian. You have to forgive me – seventy-seven times.” If she divorces him, is she unforgiving? How many adulteries is a Christian required to put up with? Seventy-seven? I don’t think so.

Another example: A Christian woman is married to a Christian man who abuses her emotionally and occasionally physically. After he beats her, he is so sorry and promises he will never do it again. She forgives him, but he does it again. She decides to separate from him until he demonstrates he has changed and is no longer a danger to her. He responds by accusing her of being unforgiving, and that if she really were forgiving, she would stay with him. Is she unforgiving, or is he using forgiveness to manipulate her to remain in a terrible situation?

Another example: A Christian woman is married to a man who drinks all the time or frequently uses cocaine. They have children. The man knows what he’s doing is wrong. He knows it’s harming his relationship with his wife. It’s harming the children. It’s ruining their finances. It’s negatively affecting his ability to do well at work. Does the woman forgive and forget? Or, to protect herself and her children from his destructive behavior, does she forgive but demand he moves out of their home until he changes? If she demands he moves out until he gets help and demonstrates he’s changed, is she unforgiving?

A final example: There was a small church in this area, and the leadership put a husband and wife in charge of the finances. After a while it came to light that they had a gambling problem. They embezzled something like $18,000, which they used to gamble and lost everything the little group had. Now, this wasn’t just a sin against the church, it was also a crime. It was a felony. The couple could have been arrested and sent to prison. But the leaders of the church didn’t want to bring the crime to the attention of the authorities. They wanted to deal with it within the community. So, the couple was confronted. They admitted their wrong-doing. They apologized. They restored the money they had stolen. When a fellow Christian or Messianic Jews sins and asks for forgiveness, and we forgive them, everything should return to the way it was before – right? The pastor thought so – and put them back in charge of the finances. For a while everything seemed to be fine – until it came to light that the couple had embezzled all the church’s money again. The church was broke. The people lost confidence in the leadership. The church disbanded and the pastor moved out of the area. It wasn’t just the sin of the couple that destroyed that church; it was also the naivety of the leadership, who didn’t understand that forgiveness does not mean that in every situation things go back to the way they were before.

When someone is in a position of trust, like a treasurer, and he violates that trust and steals and is caught, it’s foolish to immediately put him back in that position of trust. When trust is violated, trust needs to be restored. It may take a long time for trust to be restored, and it may never be restored. We are to forgive abundantly and repeatedly. But we also need to be wise with the conditions that may need to be implemented along with our forgiveness. Don’t be naive. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by those you have forgiven to return to a toxic situation, or a sick, unhealthy relationship. One last thing: How do we know we have really forgiven someone? Instead of wanting to see him suffer, we want to see him blessed. We even want to do something nice for him. Is there someone who has sinned against you whom you haven’t forgiven? Will you forgive that person right now? Are you willing to do something nice for him?