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Who are you? How do you know who you are? These are profound questions we wrestle with throughout our lives. Today, much of this sort of self-reflection revolves around the concept of identity. Identity seems to be the buzzword of the last few years. We talk about racial identity, gender identity, sexual identity, political identity etc. You name a type of identity and there is probably a conversation happening online, with some angry people arguing about it. This is not surprising since our sense of self is such a sensitive topic.
We are sensitive because our personal identities stretch to the deepest parts of our hearts and minds. How we view ourselves is incredibly important and we occupy many identities simultaneously. I understand myself through the lens of being a man, American, Messianic Jew, nerd, tinkerer, and the list goes on.
However, much of the conversation we have about knowing ourselves has a misplaced focus. The starting point, the foundation of ourselves is not who we vote for or our sexual desires. It is not in our thoughts about Covid or our culture. To truly know ourselves we must first know the Lord. Our relationship with the Lord and His relationship with us is the foundation of who we are. Whether we realize it or not (and sadly many don’t) everything else in our lives flows from this foundation. This is because our relationship with our Creator will determine whether we accept or reject His Truth about who we are as human beings.
Or to quote A.W. Tozer wrote in the Knowledge of the Holy, “We can never know who or what we are till we know at least something of what God is.”
So, our most primary of identities is our spiritual condition. It is our understanding of the Lord and our relationship with Him. Each of us are born with a default spiritual condition, a very specific foundational identity. What is this identity? God’s Word makes it clear that we are born into this world as rebels, sinfully turning away from the Lord.
Now many will object to this identity. “How can you say I am born a rebel? How can you say I am in rebellion against the Lord without knowing a lot more about me?” I can say this with confidence because of how Scripture describes this rebellion. To give one example we read in Isaiah 53:6 that we all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way.
I like the way the NLT translates this verse to get to the heart of the meaning. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Every human being throughout history, with only one exception, is united in this identity. All of us were born into this world selfishly following our own thinking and feelings. We choose for ourselves what we believe is the right way to live and lash out when our way of living clashes against someone else. Today it is usually in the form of snarky social media posts and passive aggressive attitudes. But regardless how we feel, if we are walking down a path of our own making, we are rebelling against the Lord. If the focus of your life is knowing yourself without also knowing the Lord, Isaiah is talking about you.
All our other issues in the world, from economic greed and exploitation to gender and sexual confusion, stems from our rebellion against God and His objectively right standard for living. All our other identities are influenced by our spiritual identity. If my relationship with the Lord is broken, then all my other identities will be broken as well. My view of being a man will either be formed by God’s Word or the culture surrounding me.
I said earlier that we can only begin to know ourselves by first knowing our relationship with the Lord. Isaiah 53 shares what it looks like when we are in rebellion, but what about the other side? What does it look like to have a positive relationship with the Lord? What does it look like when we are close to the Lord not rebelling against Him? We find a beautiful picture of a restored relationship with Adonai in Psalm 139. In it we see how King David, a man described in Scripture as after God’s own heart, knows himself and knows the Lord.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
We begin with King David acknowledging the Lord has looked through Him and deeply knows who he is.
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
This is more than just being able to recite facts and figures about David, like his average daily step count. This type of knowing is not just intellectual knowledge but is part of God’s relationship with us. The Lord knows David’s heart, He knows what David cares deeply cares about. Our psalm continues with some examples of what God’s all-knowing looks like.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Adonai knows every thought and action David takes. Even though the Lord is physically distant in heaven, spiritually He is actually very close. Every part of David’s life, from when he gets up until he lies down in bed, is on display for the Lord. Our triumphs and failures are known to the Lord, whatever we do in public and in secret.
The Lord knows us on a level greater than anyone else, more than our best friends or spouses. Sometimes I feel like I am not understood when I talk to people or share what is in my heart. I also know there are times when others feel that way when talking to me. Miscommunication, misunderstanding, and just a lack of care for other people are things we struggle with. But the Lord always understand sand knows us completely. His knowledge is not just in the past or present but the future as well.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Before we even think a word the Lord already knows it. Robert Alter in his commentary on this psalm points out the Hebrew in verse five has the sense of a potter shaping clay. The Lord protects and shapes all of our ways and His good hand guides us, leading us down His paths. King David follows the paths the Lord guides him down and not his own.
When David considers how deeply the Lord knows him and guides him it gives him great joy. Do we feel the same way? Is the Lord knowing us completely a source of joy or anxiety? The answer depends on our spiritual identity. If we are running away from the Lord, following a path of our own creation, then there is probably a lot of anxiety and fear in the Lord knowing us so deeply. We don’t want to be hemmed in by Him, we want to charge down our own paths, despite them leading to pain, loneliness, disappointment, and death.
But if we are joined to Him then there is joy. A joy in knowing how much the Lord loves us that and know us so well. That the Lord uses His knowledge to guide our paths. King David through the Holy Spirit goes on to beautifully illustrate the presence of the Lord.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
There is nowhere we can escape the gaze of the Lord and His guiding hand. Again, this is a comfort when our joy and identity is found in Him. But if we are running from the Lord, then there is probably a lot of fear and anxiety.
King David is running towards the Lord, not away. He finds His joy in the Lord’s presence knowing that no matter the circumstances his life, the good hand of the Lord will be there to guide and protect him. Even the darkness cannot stop the power of God as we read on.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
We cannot hide from the Lord and even darkness must give way to His all-seeing presence. We can try to run and hide from the Lord, but He is always there. In fact, this is true for us when we run from ourselves. There is an old saying I like, which is Christian in origin from the Middle Ages, wherever you go, there you are. We cannot escape ourselves and our need for the Lord any more than we can escape our Creator. The Lord sees us through the chaos and confusion of this world. He even sees us in places we cannot.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Even in the darkness of the womb the Lord still sees us. In our very creation we can see one way the Lord shapes us. Before we are born the Lord knows the length of our days and what they will contain. There is nothing that happens in our lives without His knowledge.
You know one of the lies we hear often is the lie that we do not matter. The lie we must change ourselves in some way to be special and different. The lie we must rebel and not conform so that we will be noticed and matter. You see a lot of this on social media with everyone trying different ways to stand out and be noticed, to go viral. There is this sort of obsession for attention to give our lives meaning. Too many today want to be “influencers” without even understanding how they are being influenced.
Our worth is not created by other people. Our infinite worth is from the truth that each of us were formed by the Lord. We do not have to earn our worth but are born with it, each of us is full of wonder. We are the most intricate and wonderful creation the Lord has made. When King David thinks about how he has been formed it leads him to praise. Praise for our creator who has created each of us in His image. We are told our lives are laid out like a book for the Lord. Again, we see the Lord’s omniscience on display.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
King David cares about the vast and powerful thoughts of the Lord. He cares what the Lord thinks about him and His standard for living. He wants the Lord to be with him. If we have been redeemed and are true disciples, we will care deeply about what the Lord thinks as well. We will care about His standard revealed in His Word, more than what other people think, and teach.
Our psalm now shifts outward to the struggles David is facing, once again dealing with persecution from his enemies.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
King David is praying to the Lord to deliver him from his enemies. There is some strong language in these verses that can make us uncomfortable. We need to understand David is not speaking here casually or from a personal vendetta. This language comes from a place of righteous anger against those who repeatedly have chosen to reject God and actively work against Him. Throughout God’s Word we see the Lord is slow to anger and full of undeserved love and kindness. But the Lord’s slowness to anger has an end. Eventually those who hate and rebel against Him will experience His righteous anger. If not in this life, then definitely in the next. We cannot claim to be disciples and identify with those who hate the Lord.
Because David loves the Lord he refuses to identify with his enemies. Psalm 139 does not end in this place of righteous anger though. The psalm ends coming full circle back to the Lord knowing us and desiring Him to change our hearts.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
David invites the Lord to search him again, to know his heart completely. It is a powerful and vulnerable prayer to ask the Lord to test us and know even our anxious thoughts. I believe this is a struggle for a lot of us, especially if we do not have a right relationship with the Lord. It can be scary to trust the Lord so deeply, to give Him our hearts and ask to be made right. But this is a prayer each of us needs to pray, a prayer asking the Lord to transform us from within.
You know if you just read Psalm 139 you might come away thinking that King David was a perfect man. But his history recorded in God’s Word also shows that he struggled with sin and rebellion just like us. We read this in his psalm of repentance, Psalm 51. In Psalm 51 David declares he was sinful from birth and that he needs the Lord to make his heart pure. King David knew he could not save himself; he could not find the way everlasting on his own
As I reflect on Psalm 139, two very important questions come to mind. First, are we still rebelling against God or are we walking down His paths? We need to know our spiritual identity and change it through Adonai’s help if necessary. We need to have the right spiritual identity, a foundation built upon knowing the Lord through His Son. Our world offers us many empty substitutes, but they are only ways that lead to death and lies. We cannot save or truly know ourselves apart from knowing the Lord.
The days of our lives are numbered before the Lord but all we know for sure we have is today. Today, we need to stop running from the Lord and give Him our fear and anxiety. We must end our rebellion and exchange the lies of this world about who we are for His eternal truth.
I love the final phrase of this psalm, “lead me in the way everlasting”, it means to be lead down a path that persists and endures. A way that leads us to eternal life. In our day, the way everlasting is only found through David’s descendent, through Messiah Yeshua. Messiah Yeshua lived a perfectly sinless life and died so that each of us could be transformed from rebels into those redeemed. His sacrifice enables each of us to be lead down the way everlasting. As Yeshua Himself declared, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) Each of us needs Messiah Yeshua for the way that leads to life everlasting and truth about ourselves and the world around us.
The second question of Psalm 139, are we asking the Lord to examine our hearts to see if there is anything offensive in us? We may be redeemed by the Lord but in this life, we will still struggle with sin. King David was a man after God’s own heart but still allowed a good man to be murdered to steal his wife. How much more then will we stray from God’s good paths for our own? We need to regularly engage in the kind of self-reflection found in Psalm 139. Reflecting not just on ourselves but on our relationship with the Lord. We need to ask Him to examine our hearts and to shine His light through the darkness of our secret sins. We need to be willing to confess those sins to Him as He daily transforms us. We can lie to other people, we can even lie to ourselves, but no truth is hidden from Adonai.
As our time today draws to a close, I just want to acknowledge that these are very big questions we need to answer. These are questions I have had to ask in my own life and daily I need the Lord to examine my heart as well. It is not easy to put aside our fear, anxiety, and desires to walk down the Lord’s path. In fact, it is impossible on our own. But the Lord is with us right now as He is every day. He is available and ready to lead us like He did David, through the good times and the bad. He is here to change our rebellious hearts.
Speaking of rebellious hearts, I must acknowledge that my message this morning was in part inspired by the testimony of a good friend of mine named Amanda. In her testimony she talked about feeling like a rebel and being far from God before the Lord led her to Himself. She had this great line that I immediately tucked away. “Don’t be afraid to give Jesus your rebel heart.” I think that is the heart of Psalm 139, giving our rebellious hearts to the Lord and receiving them back transformed.
It’s my prayer today that each of us would end our rebellion if we have not and begin to experience the way everlasting. May each of us personally encounter Messiah Yeshua and be given hearts that shine with His light in a world covered in darkness. May the core of who we are be shaped by our relationship with Adonai as He transforms us every day.